Ok now I'm just pissed off. This is like the fourth time I've tried to type up my entry. The first time was the big one though. I'd sat here and typed for almost an hour. Gosh, I don't even know how much I had but I know I had a lot (more than my last post).I clicked post and poof it was all gone, just like that. I had the feeling I should have copy'd it first but no, I was too eager to just post it. *grumble, grumble* But I digress...

Today was my last day at the hospital today. I was quite sad about it actually. It hasn't fully hit me yet, but it will starting Monday. Funny how before I went there I was dreading the whole thing and by the middle of it, I was wishing I didn't have to leave the hospital for my basesite. Isn't it ironic? But it was pretty good. Yesterday they bought in a cake for us and both my clinical buddy and I were given cards. It was really sweet. So we had our little farewell and good luck party. This staff was just way to good to us. We were very forunate to have been placed here. They're hoping we'll come and work there, once we're done the program. That would be so weird. We'd go from being students and needing their help to being their equal. So strange to think of it that way. But I'm really glad we did this. I fully enjoyed my time there and had a hell of a good time. I learnt a lot and really grew in these 5 weeks. But I digress...again.

As for the summer thing, we've narrowed it down to going to a casino in the States for a couple days. We haven't chosen which one will go to yet, but at least we have a good idea now. A tech there at the hospital, was telling me bout a cool one called Mystic Lake, but we'll see. So at least it's for sure decided we're going there and it will be a hotel! Then again it does depend on how well or how lousy my doctor's appointment goes on Tuesday *shudder*.

Ok so now it's time for the funny coffee break story section of the ranting. I'll start with yesterday's hiliarious conversation dealing with male birth control pills and beer. So we somehow got to talking about birth control and eventually to how there is now a birth control pill for men. First of all that's just hiliarious but now that means women are the only ones who can be in control. Now you get into the whole mess of what if she wants a baby and he doesn't so he takes his pill or vica-versa. Then one of the techs (mind you there were 10 people here in this conversation) said it won't really work because men really aren't responsible enough to remember to take the pill regularly and that's why women do now. Another tech said, "I bet if it was put in beer, men would definitely remember to take it." This then began to snowball into a whole strange conversation. I am warning you we are scary people (must be all that time we spend in the dark during the day in small quarters). Ok so imagine this, birth control in beer (just the concept) - so naturally just add a free t-shirt and of course the men will get that beer. At this point, we were coming up with slogans for the t-shirts. The was "Hi! I'm taking such-and-such pill..." on the front and on the back "Come and get me, baby!". There was also "Now you can see me coming and going" Get it? Coming and going? Ok, don't say I didn't warn you. This goes along with the thought of "x-rays techs do it in the dark." LOL Luckily we were the only ones in the cafeteria at this time. We were all just sitting there crying from all the laughter. I'm sure I've forgotten more of the story but that was pretty much the jist of it. So next time you're having a beer guys, imagine the possibilities of birth control beer and how many more women you could get by wearing that free bonus t-shirt... (hehe).

Now it is time for today's final coffee break story. I need to start at the beginning. During the first few weeks we were at the hospital the weather was really crappy out, so it didn't make working all that hard. But then last week the sun made it's appearance and has been out for almost a week. It hasn't been too hot or too cold, just comfortable actually. So any ways my clincial buddy and I were joking about how on our last day (today) the sun would go away and it would rain. Of course this symbolized how it would be miserable and rainy for the whole 3 weeks we had off, only because the sun had been shining for the past week when we were stuck indoors all day. So during coffee break we were all kind of in la-la-land and I commented on how we jinx'd ourselves with the weather because it was all crappy and cloudy out. So we were being teased about that by the techs. (yes yes I actually have a point and a funny one too). I said it's going to rain, just as we're leaving, because someone hates us and wants us indoors for our holidays lol. So Shirley said "Yeah, watch there'll be monsoon's and you'll be stuck here. Actually no, tornado's will touch down here and then you'll really be stuck." lol she was just teasing us of course. Then another tech said it would probably snow, and with that in mind he said it would snow until there was "snow upto your necks." Being the cheeky bugger I am, I said "Yeah, well that isn't hard to do for me. That's me every winter actually." Everyone just starting laughing at that. It was hiliarious. He suggested that I should probably get one of those bright neon orange flags that are attached to bicycles and attach it to myself in the winter, so people can find me. Now I'll never be able to look at those flags the same ever again. Oh well it was all too funny. Shirley was teasing him about picking on my being "vertically challenged." But like I've always said, "if you can't laugh at yourself, what can you laugh at?" It was pretty funny. We were also discussing how they'll miss us next week and told us we're more than welcome to come back any time during our holidays and help out if we want. LOL. I told them riiiiiiiiiiiight, so if I see the big light in the sky with my name on it, I know it's them needing my help and letting me know via the batman light style. It was pretty funny. Coffee was just so funny today. We were all laughing just so hard at everything that was said. It must have been all the sugar in our systems or lack of sleep or maybe we're all just a little crazy (I'm leaning a little more towards that one). *sighs* I'm going to miss coffee breaks. Oh well maybe I'll have more interesting stories again when school starts back up - then again I am back with the creator of the nickname Wheezy....

So I realized something today. I realized that I'm missing something in my life, just some sort of void that needs to be filled. I hate feeling like that. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's just not a good feeling. I feel like people are closing me out. Makes me wonder if I said or did something that pissed them off unintentionally. I don't know, I just feel like that right now. I truly hate this feeling. Hopefully I'll be able to fill this void during my holidays if not, I dunno man. Maybe I'm just worried about my test results. I mean what if there is more surgery needed. I don't think I could handle another surgery right now. Actually I know I couldn't, but could I live with this sort of pain any longer? It's not as bad as it used to be but still there are moments when I eat something and the pain is just completely excrutiating. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what sort of cards the game of life will deal me. *sigh* now I feel totally mopey :( I guess it doesn't help that I watched "Titanic" today, or a part of it. I really should watch those movies, they're starting to affect me. As far as I'm concerned, the movie ends when Rose and Jack are in the car, all hot and sweaty. They live happily ever after and the boat never sank. Ok? Deal? Fine, but I prefer my ending to the actual movie and real-life. Every time I watch that movie it really makes me think of how much I'm afraid of the unknown and how I never want to go on a cruise. I don't care that, that sort of thing wouldn't really happen nowadays, I just don't care. All I can envision is the boat going down like the titanic, with me on it. Only exception there is I wouldn't have a Jack, it'd just be me. Maybe Sassy would be my Jack, at the rate I'm going. LOL.

But I digress... Feeling...So....Very.... tired....must....stop....typing....brain too...tried...to function.... Later.... dayz....